Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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