I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
