we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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