just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
