what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Farmville is her only friend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
