Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
