There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
