Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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