i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
