i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
