If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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