p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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