she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
