I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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