I want to walk on stilts...naked
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.