Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry