i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
