I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy