Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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