This is not my ceiling
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?