I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
