Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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