What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
