mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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