i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
