oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
