Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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