The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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