her vagine was all disorganized.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
