Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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