conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
