Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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