things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
