I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
