Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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