I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
