So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
