WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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