He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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