the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want nice things and good sex
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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