I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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