I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
