there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
