And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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