Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
