Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
