i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
