Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
