its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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