My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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