I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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