So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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