I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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