I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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