Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
