I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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