And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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