My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
