well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Brb crying the tears of my youth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
