Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
