i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
