im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
