He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
