I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
