i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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