I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
