Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
