ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
