At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
