cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
