Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
