So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
