You just made me feel so damn special
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
