can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
