thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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