It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
