Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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