Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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