I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
