Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
