there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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