my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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